Own the tensionthe same dayA couple of this week’s conversations about platform/product team interactions led to…Being excited about disagreement

Sitting with discomfort2021While processing a difficult conversation with a colleague, we found this insight.…Chatting with colleagues this week, I am recognizing that it might be useful to talk here about disagreement. I used to hate disagreement. I would get tense and have this pain around my neck anytime I sensed a situation where people–even not including me–are disagreeing. Early in my career, I even prided myself in being someone who navigated skillfully around disagreements, a disagreement traceur of sorts.

A Classroom for Humanity2019To gain more insights around these questions, I’ve been looking into the…Somewhere along the way, this whole thing shifted. I find that I am excited by disagreement. Not in the “ooh, people are fighting, let’s grab popcorn and enjoy their misery” sense. Not even in the “alright, finally we’re getting this out in the open!” sense — though that might be part of it. My excitement about disagreement comes from the understanding that we all construct our own realities, and though we might believe that we all see the same thing, we rarely do. Our experiences are path-dependent, and it’s frankly a miracle that we agree on anything. From this perspective, disagreement is a discovery of a difference in this understanding of reality, a beacon pointing at an opportunity to learn from these differences, to add more depth to my understanding of reality.

Rigor and shared mental model space2021Alex Komoroske has another great set of new cards on rigor and…What the heck is strategy work?2022We turn the mastermind toward frameworks. The key objective of this role…When two TLs are having a heated argument in the comments of a doc, there’s something really interesting happening. They clearly both see something that the other can’t see, some valuable experiences that tell them they’re right. There’s a difference in mental models that’s just waiting to be discovered.

Limits to seeing: capacity and attachment2021Helping a colleague process tough feedback this week, I’ve been reaching for…The Perspective Ladder2022The meeting ended on a good note, and I felt pretty excited…If you’ve worked with me, you’ve seen me use “Here’s what I am hearing. <insert my best understanding of the perspective>. Did I get that right?” technique. It may seem silly, but it helps to communicate that at that moment, I just want to understand what you’re seeing. Not interpret it, not pass judgement on it. I am happy that you’re seeing something different. It’s like a lonely eye finally found another eye — hey, let’s try seeing in stereo! I heard it really adds depth! If I am able to let go of my perspective juuust a little bit, something new is revealed.

The rewrite countseven days afterAs a software engineer, I often see a struggle that both teams…The compounding effects of OODAlinks here, 2021The aversion cycle is the shortest and most brutal of the three.…Decision-making mindsetslinks here, 2023Spotting opinionated folks is easy: they usually disrupt a conversation with phrases…Sometimes it’s technical insight. Sometimes a hidden organizational tension. Sometimes, an underlying personal pain. In every case, my understanding of the world becomes richer, more nuanced. And that’s hard not to get excited about.